


No Good in Goodbye

by OurUnsungHeroes42344



Series: Apologizing because there's no good in goodbye [2]
Category: Castle
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen, M/M, Matter of Life and Death, Ryan!whump, Ryan-centric, Song Lyrics, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8528518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurUnsungHeroes42344/pseuds/OurUnsungHeroes42344
Summary: Sequel to Apologize. Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito both leave the 12th because they both need time, what happens in between.





	

A few months later finds Narcotics Detective Kevin Ryan stepping up to the podium at the annual 12th Precinct’s Poetry Slam. After he'd been discharged from the hospital he'd requested a transfer back to the Narcotics Division, he'd been accepted almost immediately and put on a team with FBI Agent Walker. He was still remembered and hailed as the only man who could get inside the Staten Island crew with a wire and seeing as his old cover was still good he was placed back on the team. 

 

With a new haircut, wardrobe and soon to be identity this would be his last week as Kevin Ryan. In 7 days he'd be back as Fenton O'Connell for who knows how long. He'd already dropped by Castle's house and bid both him and Beckett farewell, as well as everyone up in Homicide. Everyone except one, Javier Esposito. Kevin hasn't seen him since he'd thrown him out of his hospital room.

"I hate the way you talk to me, the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive our car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, I hate the fact that you didn't call," he pauses and sighs as he scans the crowd. His eyes land on a familiar figure and suddenly he can't breathe. He swallows hard and looks down at his page. "But, mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit," he pauses and his eyes lock with the familiar face. "Not even at all."

The crowd applauds and Kevin steps down from the podium. He keeps his head down as he squeezes through the crowd, towards the door, tears brimming in his eyes. He pushes open the door to the hallway and he's just before the door after that one when a warm hand grabs his wrist, making him freeze. 

"Kevin," whispers the familiar voice. Kevin turns to meet Javier Esposito face to face. Javier pulls Kevin into his arms, hugging him tight, Kevin collapses on Javier's shoulder, crying into his ex partner's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," they say at the same time. "I was an ass."

They laugh and Kevin says. "I guess we're in agreement. I've missed you, Javi."

Javier smiles. "I've missed you too, Kevin."

The two men exit the building and make their way to a nearby park. They sit on a bench and take each other in, they've both changed.

"You, got a haircut," says Javier, eyeing Kevin's hair.

"So did you," replies Kevin, Javier's hair is now military regulation short, like he'd had it when they'd first met all those years ago. "You reenlisted, didn't you?"

Javier's eyes find his boots. "Yeah, I did. I needed a change, it was obvious things weren't going back to how they were before. Based on the getup, you went back to Narcotics?"

Kevin shifts in his new clothes. "Yeah. I'm going undercover in a week, probably for a year or so."

"Deep cover? Where? Who? How? Huh?" Javier sputters.

"Yes, deep cover. Staten Island. The Crew that's part of the Irish Mob there. I've gone under before, for 14 months before I joined Homicide," replies Kevin, nonchalantly, he'd forgotten Javier had no idea he'd been in deep cover before.

"Oh," is all Javier manages.

"Look, I'd like for things to go back to normal between us, I really would. I didn't think that was a possibility anymore, until now. Maybe in a year or two, after I do this job and you finish your tour we can meet here at this exact spot and try for normal again," suggests Kevin, hopefully.

"I'd love that," replies Javier. "That sounds good." Javier glances at his watch just then and curses. "Hey, I'm sorry to take off like this, but I'm late."

The two men stand and after contemplating it for a moment, they embrace for a minute.

"Goodbye, Javier."

"Goodbye, Kevin. See you in a year or two."

 

A week later Fenton O'Connell walks up to Kelly's Tavern on Staten Island. He walks in and stops about halfway between the bar and the door, without looking he knows all eyes are on him, they know who he is. "What? So, this is the welcome I get? None of you irish bastards miss me, huh?" His voice takes on a practiced irish accent with ease.

"Fenton? Fenton O'Connell?" A woman's voice rings out from across the bar.

His mouth dries and he turns to face a clearly furious woman with red brown hair done up in a messy ponytail and brown eyes. "Hey, Siobhan," he says and takes a step towards her. 

A fist slams into his jaw and his head snaps to the side. He turns to see another familiar face standing in between him and Siobhan, rubbing his jaw he replies, "nice to see you too, Maggie."

"Well, what did you expect? A parade? After what you did to Siobhan?" Maggie retorts and swings her fist at him again.

This time he's ready though and catches her fist holding it." Nah, one shots all you get."

"Hey, take yer hands off the lady!" A man's voice calls out from a corner barstool on his other side.

He releases Maggie's hand and she makes her way over to the seated redhead who'd spoken. "Long as she keeps her hands off of me."

Siobhan in the meantime makes her way over and shoves him back twice, which he allows. "Seven years, Fenton! Where the hell've you been?"

Ryan swallows hard, Agent Walker had told him Siobhan was his informant, but he hadn't told Siobhan that he wasn't who he said he was all those years ago. "Look, you're pissed, I get it. We'll work all this out," he tries to put his hands on her shoulders but she shrugs him off, he glances around, "maybe a little less publicly. First I need to talk to Bobby S."

"Oh, that's why you came back? For Bobby?"

"Just let me handle my business. Then I'll have nothing but time for you."

"Always such a charmer. If it's Bobby you're after, you'll have to go through his number two," interrupts Maggie.

He turns to face her. "Oh, yeah? And who might that be?"

"My husband," the red haired man who'd spoken before rises from his barstool as she finishes, "Liam." Ryan gulps, Liam is at least a few good inches taller than he is, and a good deal bigger too. 

Shaking off his moment of fear Ryan follows Liam through a door, up a set of stairs until he stops in a hallway.

"Give me your phone," orders Liam.

"Why?"

"Bobby S has an abiding distrust of electronic devices. Give me your phone," he makes it clear, no phone, no Bobby S.

Sighing Ryan reaches into his jacket and pulls out his phone. Liam takes it and puts it into a lockbox before turning on a bug scanner. He sweeps down Ryan's body in search of a bug. 

He begrudgingly goes along with it, but true to the character of Fenton he tosses in a smartass comment when the sweep gets rather low. "Whoa, whoa. What will the missus think?"

Liam doesn’t find his joke funny. He gives Ryan a look as he relocks the lock box before pushing him forward down the hall, through a door and into Bobby's office. Things were really going to get interesting now. 

"Hey Bobby!" Ryan saunters in, throwing his hands wide.

Bobby holds up a hand and Ryan stops. "Do I know you?"

"The hell? It’s me, Fenton," he motions to his chest.

"I recall knowing a Fenton O’Connell, years ago. He was like a brother to me. A real stand-up guy. ‘til he cut and ran."

"C’mon, Bobby. I got ratted out. You know that. Me hanging around would’ve just brought more heat down on everyone."

"So, you made yourself scarce. In fact, no one’s heard from you in… seven years. Where you been?"

"Out west. Been making some moves here and there ‘til the statute of limitations ran out. To tell you the truth Bobby, I didn’t want to come home until I had something to bring to the table."

"Well, friend, Bobby gestures to his desk. "Here’s the table."

"I heard the Feds took down Ben Gideon, so you might be in need of some product. I’ve been working with the Mason brothers out of Chicago."

Bobby looks to Liam, "I’ve heard of them."

"This is a stable source, quality stuff. I can get you whatever you need. This is me stepping up, Bobby."

"So, what," he sits back. "You’re the wild rover from the song? Returning with gold in great store, is that it? Or are you a rat?"

"You know me better than that." Bobby is silent, last chance. "Well, I said my piece. And I’m not going to beg, Bobby. It’s up to you, okay?" Ryan turns to leave, but he’s blocked by Liam.

"Yeah, it is," he stands and comes around his desk. "So, should I welcome home the prodigal son? Or should I have Liam put a bullet in the back of your head?"

Out of the corner of his eye Ryan sees Liam pull his gun, a little too eager to use it. "Oh, just say the word, Bobby."

Before he can level his gun, Ryan grabs his arm and knocks the gun away. He elbows Liam in the throat, sending him to the ground. Ryan spins to Bobby, putting the gun in his hand and leveling the cool steel of the barrel to his own head. "You think I’m some kind of rat? That I’m a man without honor? Then you pull the trigger. You doubt me, Bobby? You do it yourself."

Bobby holds the gun on Ryan, who doesn’t flinch. Finally Bobby laughs and lowers the gun. "Fenton’s back," he opens his arms for a hug. "Welcome back."

Ryan hugs Bobby back, he can’t help but be relieved. Bobby takes him back out into the hallway and Ryan collects his phone. Liam follows behind them a few minutes later, looking angry and upset. Bobby leads them back into the main part of the bar and Ryan leans on the bar in front of Siobhan, Bobby stands next to him.

"Still here?" Siobhan asks, genuinely surprised. "What can I get ya?"

"Pint of the black stuff," he replies with a crooked smile.

Siobhan slides a pint across the bar counter to him. As he picks it up, Bobby taps his shoulder. "Glasses in the air," everyone does and Ryan joins them. "Luke 15:32."

"What the hell kinda toast is that?" Liam scoffs.

"Where'd you find this heathen, Bobby? Didn't he ever go to Sunday School?" Ryan asks, typical to his character of Fenton. "We should celebrate and rejoice because..."

Bobby takes over. "Because your brother here was dead and has come back to life," he pats Ryan's back. "Welcome home," he raises his glass to complete the toast. 

"To Fenton!" The bar echoes. 

Ryan can't help but breathe a sigh of relief as a weight lessens on his chest, he's in.

 

5 months later finds Kevin Ryan in a really bad situation. Jimmy "The Baker" Whelan has just been killed and now he's being escorted from his and Siobhan's apartment by two uniformed officers to their squad car. 

No, he's not under arrest, and no they don't recognize him. He's changed drastically in the five months since becoming Fenton O'Connell again.

His hair is longer, about ear length, dyed black , the edges tipped red and he hasn't gelled it in months. His eyes pop more than usual due to the black eyeliner around both eyes, one of which has a bright green stud in the eyelid. A tattoo of a green triquetra peeks out from his low-cut, tight, faded black sleeveless top with several rips across the chest. His lips are black, his teeth and pale skin a stark contrast. His pants are tight black jeans, also ripped at the knees, his shoes, black, shiny and steel toed. 

He'd recognized the two officers the moment he'd seen them, a little luck was on his side at least, they're from the 12th. The two officers deposit him in a conference room and he walks around, memories flooding his mind, he doesn't hear the door open and close.

"Mr. O'Connell, I'm Detective Beckett and this is Mr. Castle, thank you for coming in," he turns around to lay his eyes on Kate Beckett and Richard Castle for the first time in over five months.

They haven't changed much, Beckett's brown hair is up in a ponytail, but looks to be about the same length. The only major difference is the wedding bands on both their fingers. "You guys got married?"

"Excuse me?"

Ryan's heart skips a beat, they don't recognize him either. "Beckett, Castle, it's me," he says, slipping out of the accent he'd been using without effort for months.

Blank stares. Then Castle blinks a few times and shakes his head in disbelief. "No way! It can't be, can it?" He looks at Beckett, who looks at him like he's lost his mind. "It's Ryan," he exclaims gesturing at Ryan with his arm.

Beckett's eyes widen in shock and disbelief as her head whips back in forth between them. "Ryan, is that really you?"

"Are you guys actually married?" He retorts, crossing his arms.

"Oh my god, Kevin! It is you!" The three of them embrace for a few moments.

Castle pulls back first and steps back, his eyes running over Ryan with a critical eye. "Damn, dude."

Ryan blushes as Beckett pulls back and agrees with a whistle. "It's called Deep Cover, guys. And it obviously worked, nobody here recognized me, not even you two."

The three of them sit down and Beckett starts the interview. "So, I'm guessing you have a perfectly legal reason for calling our vic, Jimmy Whelan, seven times in the last three days leading up to his death."

"Yeah, but I better start at the beginning," he says, starting to explain. "This isn't the first time I've been in Deep Cover, I was in deep on Staten Island with Bobby S for 14 months before I joined Homicide."

"Under the name Fenton O'Connell," realizes Castle.

"Exactly, I helped take down half the current crew back then and disappeared. Jimmy was just trying to get by and then about a year ago he had to borrow some money from Bobby S, after that he owned him. The reason I was sent back in was because back in the old days I was like a brother to Bobby and the Feds want me to use that to get The Crew's Bible."

"I'm guessing we're not talking about The Holy Book, here," guesses Beckett.

"Nah, that's just what The Crew calls it, it's a ledger of transactions going back years, you get that, you take down the whole crew. The Crew drinks at Kelly's Tavern, which is this irish bar on Staten Island, owned by my old girlfriend Siobhan O'Doul. She fell on hard times after I left and started slipping information to the Feds, she knows Bobby's system for changing the combo to his safe, which he does every Friday. All they needed was a man who could get close enough to Bobby to get The Bible."

"Where's Jimmy come into all this?"

"He was an informant too, but Bobby must've figured out he was a rat, had him killed. I'd heard rumors and had been trying to warn him, but he thought he could talk his way out, of course he couldn't," explains Ryan. "Bobby would've welcomed me back right away and I could've done this job before Jimmy even started snitching, but some of The Crew had their doubts. So, I've had to prove myself not just to Bobby again, but to the rest of the crew."

"A witness saw Bobby's car outside the vic's shop during his time of death window and we found beige fibers which match the wool on one of Bobby's coats, we're still trying to narrow down where he was when your name popped out at us," informs Beckett.

"His charger has an electronic e-z pass, that should help. I think he might've been in Yonkers though," replies Ryan.

"That'll help a lot actually, we've been trying to comb traffic cameras on and around Staten Island, but that's taking forever," says Beckett gratefully, standing.

Ryan and Castle follow suit. "Do me a favor," Ryan says, pulling out a scrap of paper and a pen. "Get yourself a secure phone and text this number with updates on the case. Don't be blunt though, use a code or something. But nothing too complex," he adds, looking at Castle pointedly.

The three of them embrace once more before Beckett opens the door and calls LT and another uniform over, the same two who'd brought Ryan in earlier. "We're done, can you please take Mr. O'Connell back to his home."

LT and the other uniform, Officer Hall, lead Ryan back to their squad car. As soon as they pull away, Ryan leans forward and says, "so, how's it been goin’ since I've been gone. Castle still driving Beckett nuts?"

"What are you talking about?" Officer Hall asks, turning to look at him in surprise. "Do we know you?"

"Oh, I don't know we only worked together for over four years before I transferred to Narcotics," replies Ryan with a grin.

"What?"

"Wait a minute," they stop at a light and LT turns to give him a good look. "Detective Ryan?"

"The one and only."

"Oh my god, it's good to see you."

The rest of the drive back is spent exchanging small talk and catching up. But when they pull back up to his and Siobhan's apartment they're back to business, not wanting to ruin Ryan's cover.

Ryan unlocks the door to the apartment before he opens it and grabs his keys. In a few minutes time he's seated at Kelly's Tavern, nursing a pint.

_*Ding!*_ His phone announces a new text message. He pulls out his phone and sees that it's an unknown number. The message reads: **To Raley, From Heat + Rook 13237 32481 41312 39122 54552 45262 91356 31311 72355 43242 73335 4**

He recognizes the names of the fictional versions of himself, Beckett and Castle in the Nikki Heat series immediately. Which means the numbers were the code. It's not morse and they hadn't given him a text to use as a key which leaves only one code he knows left.

Ryan pulls a napkin towards him and opens it up, then he pulls out his pen. He writes the numbers down in order, but in groups of two. _[13 23 73 24 81 41 31 23 91 22 54 55 24 52 62 91 35 63 13 11 72 35 54 32 42 73 33 54]_ Then he begins replacing each set of two with the corresponding letter. 

From that he gets a full sequence of letters that make no sense. _[E I E C L F B I D U P S C U V D N E E T H N P R O E O P]_ This leads him to believe a second layer of coding has been added. He tries first and last, reversing and a few other common codes but strikes out.

Then it hits him and he splits the list of letters in half and moves the second half below the first half. _[E I E C L F B I D U P S C U] [V D N E E T H N P R O E O P]_

Next he goes letter by letter. First on top, first on bottom, second on top, second on bottom, until he has in fully unscrambled. Now all he needs is some spaces: **Evidence left bhind purpose, coup.**

He reads the messages once, twice, then scribbles all over all sides of the napkin, spills water on it and then rips it to shreds before throwing the scraps away. This is so not good.

His phone dings again while he's doing this and he starts on the next message. He finishes the same double decoding process and reads what he has silently before giving that napkin the same treatment. This one had read: **Ur right, Bobby has airtight alibi. B careful.**

He quickly texts Siobhan the prearranged code phrase for: head to apartment, 911. Then he gets up, tosses a few bills down on the bar and disappears out the door.

 

Siobhan arrives a few minutes after him and immediately asks. "What's the 911?"

"Bobby didn't kill Jimmy," he replies, pausing in the pacing he'd been doing since he'd arrived.

"How can Bobby S not be the killer? I heard him say myself that he thought Jimmy was a rat," argues Siobhan.

"Someone else must've heard that, too."

"Someone in The Crew?"

"Has to be, right?"

"This is bad. You can't go to the pool game tonight."

"I have to go. I won't get another chance. You won't get another chance," she sighs, she knows he's right. "What's the combination to Bobby's safe?"

"Umm," she pauses, thinking," 304217."

"304217," he repeats to himself. "How do you know that?"

"Bobby has me ring a total on the cash register Friday nights. He bases the combination on that total."

Ryan steps closer to her. "We're gonna get through this," he moves slowly away to leave, but pauses upon catching sight of a stuffed rat he hadn't noticed before. He picks it up, memories assaulting him. "Come on, you still have this little guy? Wait, what was his name, again?"

"How could you forget? Mr. Whiskers. You spent over fifty bucks trying to win him for me."

"That ring toss was a bitch," he says with a laugh, setting Mr. Whiskers down.

"It was worth every penny. He's seen me through some pretty tough times," she hesitates, stepping closer. "Was any of it real?"

"What I felt was," he answers truthfully. There's a moment of silence between them. "I have to go. Big night tonight," he opens the door and exits, closing the door on memories and regrets behind him. It all ends tonight.

 

Later that night finds Ryan playing pool with the guys at Bobby's house. He sinks a ball into a pocket. It’s an impressive shot, the guys whistle appreciatively.

"Get the hell out of here. Since when did you become such a pool hustler?" Bobby asks, incredulously.

"Just call me Fast Eddie," he replies and everyone laughs but Liam. 

Ryan sets up for another shot, but Bobby stops him. "C’mere. I went over your numbers and I can live with them. So how soon can you get some of that Chicago crank up here?"

He shrugs, "I can get you five pounds by this weekend. Come next week I can get you however much you want."

Smiling Bobby replies, "love it." He slaps Ryan on the shoulder. "Take your shot. Lucky bastard."

Ryan sets up his next shot as a man with a cellphone walks up to Liam. "It's Keane, says it's urgent."

"Yeah, Keane," he says, taking the phone. "I’ll call you back."

Liam watches Ryan for a second, then walks over to whisper to Bobby. They give Ryan a look, then turn and leave. Ryan makes his shot and banks it off the edge before sinking his ball. The crowd of guys all groan.

Ryan then grabs his jacket, this is his shot."All right. I’ve gotta hit the head."

He leaves the room, and he heads to Bobby’s bedroom. Once inside he moves a painting and opens the safe. He bypasses all the cash in favor of a notebook so full it's bound with rubber bands.

"Tell Stevie to bring my car out front,” Bobby's voice says just outside his bedroom.

Ryan manages to duck around a corner and remain unseen just as Bobby comes up the stairs and into his bedroom to grab his gun. He opens the safe, takes out his weapon and pauses, seeming to notice something is amiss. Ryan holds his breath, but releases it a moment later with a sigh when Bobby leaves. Now all he has to do is make it out of this house.

A few moments later Ryan walks confidently to the front door, only to be blocked by Liam. "Hey, sport. Been looking for you. Bobby S needs us to take a ride."

"Okay. Let me get my phone," he tries to stay calm though his heart is trying to bust it's way out of his chest. 

Liam moves to block him. "You’re not going to be needing that. Car’s out back. You’re driving."

Ryan hesitates, but takes the keys that Liam holds out. "All right. Be right back."

Liam moves to block him again, but this time Ryan tries to fight his way through. Liam barely moves. "Time to go… Fenton."

He is so screwed, his only chance is the phone he'd managed to pick from Liam's inside pocket.

A few minutes later and they're driving at a steady pace through the city. Liam tells him when and where to turn and soon they're on their way out towards the outskirts of the city. Liam isn't paying much attention to him and Ryan takes the few heartbeats he's given to dial the phone on Javi’s desk. It was the only number besides Javi's cell that he could do mostly without looking. 

He "accidentally" turns the radio on the car blasts out music, giving him the few seconds he needs to put the phone on speaker after it rings long enough that someone must've picked up or the phone had gone to voicemail. 

After the radio is back on mute he waits a few moments before asking the question that had been plaguing his thoughts since they'd gotten closer and closer to the edge of the city. "We goin' to the docks?"

"Mmhmm," replies Liam and Ryan's heart sinks.

"Only two things to do at the docks: kill someone or go fishing. Kind of late to be fishing, ain’t it?"

"Yep. All the fishes are asleep." Ryan was trying to keep it light, but he can’t help but notice the edge to their conversation. He’s quite possibly majorly screwed.

Ryan pulls the car up to the docks and parks it. He and Liam get out. "What now, huh?"

"I had my suspicions about you since the moment you walked into Siobhan’s bar. But no, everybody said, ‘Fenton’s stand-up’. Everybody vouched for you, even Bobby S."

"But you still had your doubts, huh?"

"That’s right. So I had Keane follow you around today. You know, I knew we had a rat amongst us. But what I didn’t figure was how that rat could hide in plain sight."

Ryan stands his ground. Another car pulls up behind them and Ryan turns to see Bobby and Keane get out with Siobhan. Her hands have been handcuffed in front of her. "Siobhan?"

"I’m sorry," she whispers.

Ryan looks at Bobby. "So am I, brother."

"Keane followed you over to Siobhan’s place."

"Yeah, I spoke with one of her neighbors. Turns out she was picked up by the cops two days ago."

"Being an inquisitive lad, Keane broke into her place. Tell him what you found, Keane," Ryan tries to keep his fear under control.

Keane answers as Ryan's heart sinks further. "I went through her cell phone, Fenton. Man, she’s been talking with the FBI."

"After all this time, nothing but a snitch. A Judas with an angel’s face," he pulls Siobhan closer and shoves her toward Ryan. "Now Fenton, you know me. I’m nothing it not fair. So I’m going to give you a fair chance to prove you knew nothing about this." Bobby pulls a gun from his waistband and walks forward to give it to Ryan. "Blow her brains out."

Ryan hesitates. Siobhan is terrified, but she’s trying to stay calm. After a moment, Ryan takes the gun. "Fenton, we’re leaving with one or two bodies tonight. It’s up to you."

Ryan weighs his options. He gives Siobhan a hard, sad look.

Siobhan swallows hard. "It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Just do it."He cocks the gun and raises it at her. She turns her head and closes her eyes and tries not to cry. Bobby, Liam and Keane just stand there and watch.

"Ah, I just can’t do it, Bobby. I can’t shoot her," he pauses and his voice hardens. "However, I have no problem shooting you." He turns and levels the gun at Bobby. Bobby just shrugs and laughs. Sensing something’s wrong, Ryan checks the chamber of his gun. "Empty. You son of a bitch."

"Had to be sure, friend. And damn, so disappointed in you, Fenton."

In that moment he makes his decision. "Not as disappointed as you’re about to be," he tosses the useless gun aside. "My name’s not Fenton. It’s Kevin Ryan. And I’m a cop."

Liam is surprised, Bobby, more. "What? Cop?"

"Yeah. And I’m placing the three of you under arrest."

"That’ll be a hell of a trick, considering Liam’s about to shoot you and your girlfriend," Liam trains his gun on Ryan.

Ryan turns to Liam. "Wait a second, Liam, before you do that, let me ask you a question. Where’s your cell phone, huh?"

"What?"

"Remember when we tussled back in the hall? Yeah, I picked your pocket. And then when you weren’t looking I dialed my partners and left the line open."

"No way," Liam protests checking his pockets.

Ryan turns back to the others. "They heard exactly where we were going."

"Liam?"

"He’s full of crap, Bobby. He’s bluffing," says Liam, still looking through his pockets.

"Oh, am I? Why don’t we meet my partners, huh?" He raises his voice and prays. "Yo, guys! Where you at?"

There’s no response. Bobby look around in amusement. No one moves. A second later, the sound of a gun cocking breaks the silence and the shadow of a man comes around the corner with a shotgun. Liam turns to aim at him.

"Right here, bro," Ryan's heart stops. As Bobby and Keane draw their guns too he turns to look as Javier Esposito dressed head to toe in camouflage gear emerges from the shadows.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa … he’s special forces. You do not want to draw on him. Wanna meet the rest of my crew? Hey Beckett!" Beckett appears from behind another building with her gun raised.

"You called, Ryan?" Keane and Bobby turn to aim at her. She’s like a rock.

"Don’t let the looks fool you, boys. You don’t want to mess with her either. Castle!"

Castle pops up behind Beckett. "Seriously? I didn’t – I didn’t bring my vest."

A police car pulls up behind them. "Drop your weapons. Now.

And then all hell breaks loose.

Bobby darts forwards and grabs Siobhan in a headlock, his gun pressed to her temple. "Nobody move or she dies!" Everyone freezes. 

"Bobby, don't do this!" Ryan says desperately, this was all his fault. 

Bobby sneers at him. "Why shouldn't I? What stops me from putting a bullet in her head? Or yours for that matter?"

"You pull that trigger you die!" Javier snarls.

"Everybody shut up!" Bobby hollers. "Here's how this is going to work. Liam is going to stand right behind Fenton or whatever the hell your name is and put his gun to his head, then Keane is going to uncuff Siobhan and take the cuffs to Fenton. Fenton is going to allow Keane to cuff his wrists behind his back, then Keane, Liam and Fenton will come with me and Siobhan to our respective cars. Only once we are back on Staten Island will we release her. She will then call the number one of you will provide us and then and only then can you follow us. If you attempt to follow or stop us we will kill both of them slowly and painfully."

"What about Ryan?" Javier asks.

"Fenton will remain with us until we're ready to release him. And, before you suggest or do anything rash please take note of who's holding the cards," replies Bobby, tightening his grip on Siobhan's neck.

"How do we know you're going to keep your word?" Beckett asks.

"You have no guarantee other than the knowledge that it takes 20 minutes to get back to Staten Island. If Siobhan doesn't call after 30 minutes you can pursue. This is my final and only offer, I suggest you take it."

"Deal," Ryan says, shrugging off his jacket, this is his fault. 

"Kev," Javier starts. 

"No, Javi. This is my fault, my responsibility. It's my choice."

"Wise choice. Liam," as Bobby says this Ryan feels the barrel of Liam's gun press against the back of his head. Keane uncuffs Siobhan and walks over to him. "Get on your knees."

Ryan doesn't move. "That wasn't part of the plan."

"I said get on your damn knees," Keane says, slamming his fist into Ryan's gut.

With an oof the air whooshes out of Ryan's lungs and he falls to the wet, dirty cement. Liam moves the gun until it's against his head again as Keane cuffs his arms behind his back. 

The barrel is pulled away from his head and then the butt of the gun slams into the side of his head. He drops like a rock, falling onto his side, the coppery taste of blood filling his mouth. Stars explode in front of his eyes and his vision spins. He hears Javi and Siobhan cry out, a few yells and then everything fades. 

 

He returns to the land of consciousness with a pounding head and restraints biting into his wrists and ankles.

A fist slams into his jaw and then his eye, he tastes copper once again and a black wave of unconscious threatens to consume him again, but after a few moments the fuzziness fades from his vision. He spits out blood and a tooth and glares up at Bobby S and Liam through an already swelling eye. 

"So, what? You're going to beat me to a pulp and then leave me someplace to die? Teach me a lesson? I wouldn't expect any less of you. Eh, Bobby?" He can't help but be a smartass, he's still Fenton.

Liam rains punches down on his face and chest, but he remains silent, laughing a bit even. "That the best you got? Let me out of these restraints and I'll kick your ass."

Liam growls and pulls his arm back before slamming his fist into Ryan's nose. With a crack it breaks, his head snaps back and thick blood runs down his face and throat. Ryan just laughs, showing off bloodstained teeth, a trail of blood slipping over his lip and down his face. 

"Liam," warns Bobby. "We can't have him bleeding out on us can we?"

Liam scoffs but seems to grudgingly agree. Ryan braces himself for the next hit, his nose is probably shattered, both eyes are swelling up, his head aches and his jaw is possibly broken. Liam steps aside and Bobby sits down in a chair in front of him. Then he leans forwards, unties Ryan’s left wrist and bends his arm backwards. Ryan gasps, tears springing to his eyes as the bones in his left arm snap. Bobby ties his wrist back down before he stands up.

Then Bobby kicks the bottom of Ryan's chair and he goes toppling onto his back, the chair taking him with it, his head connecting painfully with the cement of the warehouse he appears to be in.

Liam comes up to him and rains kicks down on Ryan's groin and midsection. Ryan groans and grits his teeth to keep from crying out. Then Bobby reaches above him and pulls down a large hook, he hooks it to something on the bottom of the chair and then pushes a button. A crank in the corner starts to retract the rope now attached to the chair.

The chair and a very dizzy, very woozy Ryan continue to climb higher until the crank stops, leaving the chair and Ryan swinging up near the ceiling, a pool of blood slowly growing underneath him.

The flash of a camera blinds him momentarily and then everything sinks in. "Now all we have to do is wait."

"No! Leave them alone! It's me you want!" Bobby and Liam just laugh.

 

Javier Esposito stares at the image on his computer screen. He'd been staring at it since the email with the subject line _IMPORTANT INFORMATION IN REGARDS TO FENTON O'CONNELL_ had popped up on his computer screen. The image of a bloodied, beaten Ryan, tied to a chair held up by the ceiling along with the chilling message. _"Bring 500 dollars to the following address at 5pm tomorrow night and we will give you the location of your partner. Come alone and unarmed, bring only Detective Beckett and Mr. Castle, bring anyone else or case the area before and we will know and Fenton will pay the consequences of your mistake."_

As of right now several decisions had been made. 1. The 500 dollars would have to come from Narcotics, Ryan wasn't part of Homicide anymore. 2. Narcotics had a strict policy and would not provide the money unless all their requirements were met, which they weren't. 3. After both Narcotics and the Feds had left Kevin out to dry Esposito had insisted that he'd come up with the 500 by himself if he had to, Castle and Beckett had each contributed some themselves as well. 4.They'd also decided that they'd follow the instructions they'd been given. They could go after Bobby and Liam after they'd gotten Ryan back safely.

Now all they have to do is wait, they'd been given 24 hours to get the money together, the email was sent at 5 and that was 4 hours ago. 20 hours left until Javier could finally admit his feelings and the reason he was back so early. 

 

Ryan wakes up to complete and total darkness. His wrists are bound behind him with rope and the pain in his broken left arm is excruciating. His ankles are also bound by rope and he’s laying down in a tight space. He sits up with some difficulty and looks around as his surroundings slowly appear as his eyes adjust to the darkness. 

“Oh, hell.”

 

At exactly 4:30pm the next day Esposito, Castle and Beckett climb into Beckett’s unmarked squad car, a briefcase with 500 dollars in the trunk, and start towards the address they’d been given and Ryan.

They pull up outside a warehouse at exactly 4:55pm and they all get out of the car. Esposito goes around to the trunk and retrieves the briefcase before returning to the others. At exactly 5pm the warehouse door opens and Liam and Bobby S emerge. 

The two groups move towards each other and meet about halfway. A car pulls up from around the backside of the building and pulls up to them. Keane gets out and stands besides the others. 

“I see you got our message,” says Bobby. “Do you have the money?”

Esposito holds up the briefcase in reply. “Right here, all 500 dollars of it.”

Liam steps forward and takes the handle of the briefcase, Esposito, however doesn’t let go. “We held up our end of the deal, but you’re not going to see a cent of it until we have Kevin.”

Bobby S grins and Esposito represses a shiver, it doesn’t take a cop to know that when someone smiles like that it’s never a good thing for the good guys. “I said I’d tell you where he’s at, I didn’t promise that you’d would get him now. Give us the money and we’ll tell you where the Judas is.”

Beckett places a hand on Esposito’s shoulder and he reluctantly releases his hold on the case. Liam steps back, briefcase in hand and opens it. Seeing the money he closes it and puts it in the trunk of their car. Bobby S pulls a slip of paper out of his pocket and climbs in the driver’s seat of the car, starting it, Keane and Liam climb in as well. Esposito approaches the open driver’s side window and Bobby S offers him the slip of paper.

Esposito takes it and the car peels away, Bobby S and the others laughing.

Esposito unfolds the paper as Beckett and Castle circle up behind him, looking over his shoulder. His hands shaking he rereads the 14 words written on the paper: **Your partner has been buried alive. You have 5 hours left.**

_4:15:59 until Ryan runs out of air_

When they arrive back at the 12th a small group of people are gathered in the homicide bullpen waiting for news on Ryan. Among them Captain Gates, LT, Captain Phillips of Narcotics, Agent Walker and a handful of Ryan’s friends from Narcotics as well as, to everyone’s surprise, Siobhan O’Doul. 

Esposito stalks out of the elevator towards the group, ignoring Captain Gates’ question of, “well?”

“What the hell are you guys doing here? I thought you didn’t give a shit about what happened to Kevin,” snarls Esposito, referring to the guys from Narcotics and Agent Walker.

Agent Walker steps up, holding Kevin’s jacket. “Our hands were tied, Detective. There are certain protocols that have to be followed.”

“We were every bit as worried about Detective Ryan’s safety as you were-.”

“Bullshit!”

“Detective Esposito,” thunders Gates.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but the only reason they gave a shit about Kevin was because they thought he could get that Bible for them. And now Bobby S and his crew have scattered and Kevin is buried alive god knows where!”

“Which he did, but we didn’t know that until Siobhan called us,” interjects Agent Walker. “Wait, what do you mean buried alive? I thought the deal was 500 dollars for Detective Ryan?”

“It was 500 dollars for Ryan's location. What are you talking about? He never had a chance to give one of us the Bible before he was taken.”

“It was in his jacket pocket, I found it a few hours ago and called Agent Walker. I only just found out about Fen-Ryan a few hours ago,” explains Siobhan.

Esposito shakes his head. “I don’t see how that changes anything.”

“He left us a message.” Agent Walker pulls a slip of paper out and hands it to Esposito. He unfolds it and stares at Ryan’s familiar handwriting, although a bit messier than usual: **228213 2353 355313 1262 818255 223132**

Esposito sits down and starts writing furiously on the back of the note, decoding the message the same way he'd encoded the texts he'd sent earlier to update his ex partner on the case. A minute or so he stands up and holds up the note: **U have Liams number.**

“We have Liam’s number? What's that supposed to mean?” Captain Phillips asks, confused.

Esposito stands and writes Kevin's message on the murder board, he paces there, staring at the picture of his ex partner. Then it hits him, the confrontation on the docks coming back to him.

_Ryan turns to Liam. "Wait a second, Liam, before you do that, let me ask you a question. Where’s your cell phone, huh?"_

_"What?"_

_"Remember when we tussled back in the hall? Yeah, I picked your pocket. And then when you weren’t looking I dialed my partners and left the line open."_

_"No way," Liam protests checking his pockets._

_Ryan turns back to the others. "They heard exactly where we were going."_

_"Liam?"_

_"He’s full of crap, Bobby. He’s bluffing," says Liam, still looking through his pockets._

_"Oh, am I? Why don’t we meet my partners, huh?" He raises his voice and prays. "Yo, guys! Where you at?"_

 

“He still has Liam’s cell phone!” Esposito exclaims. “Remember, at the docks? That’s how he got a hold of us! He might still have it on him!”

Beckett rushes to her desk and opens the drawer, pulling out the phone they’d been using to update Ryan on the case.

Esposito turns to Agent Walker and Captain Phillips. “Ready to actually do something helpful? Get me Liam Finch’s phone number!”

Agent Walker pulls out a leather book bound with rubber bands, papers sticking out from all sides. He removes the rubber bands and flips through it. “Got it! Liam’s number,” he pulls out a slip of paper and hands it to Esposito. 

Esposito takes the phone from Beckett and punches in the number. Holding his breath he hits the call button and puts the phone on speaker.

_*Liam is not able to answer right now so leave a message after the beep. BEEP*_

“Damn,” swears Espo right before the beep. “Hey, it’s me. Call me back when you get this message.”

Esposito hangs up and nearly growls in frustration. “Now what? We can’t run a trace unless he answers. And for all we know Liam has the phone not Ryan. We’re running out of time!”

“We do everything we can. We dig into Bobby S and his organization, we find everything there is to know about him and hopefully something will turn up. Until Detective Ryan calls us back or we can confirm that Liam Finch is the one in possession of his phone, we continue working this case like any other,” orders Captain Gates.

“We’d also like to help anyway we can,” Captain Phillips offers.

“And we’ll take all the hope we can get,” says Beckett. “Captain Gates, with your permission I’d like to have LT and Karpowski help me out with this as well?”

“As you wish, Detective,” with that final statement Gates returns to her office.

Captain Phillips assigns two of Ryan’s friends from his former Narcotics days to help them before taking his leave as well, Agent Walker also promises to help them.

 

_1:35:59 until Ryan runs out of air_

Ryan yells in triumph, having finally broken the bonds on his wrists and ankles. The rope they’d used had taken forever to saw through, even though he’d found a pocket knife in the seatback pocket, with his left arm useless and causing him excruciating pain added a whole new level of difficulty to the task.

He sits up, groaning with pain and stiffness. He reaches above his head and runs his fingers along the ceiling above him, his fingers hit a rounded edge and he pushes the center if it. A dim car light comes to life and he folds the pocket knife and slips it back in the seat back. 

Now that he can see and his arms and legs are free. Ryan unzips the light jacket he’d had on under his leather jacket and reaches into the inside pocket. He pulls out Liam’s cell phone, grinning, he takes off one of his shoes and shakes it over his hand, a phone battery falls out and he puts his shoe back on. 

Ryan puts the battery back in Liam’s phone and holds the power button. The screen lights up as the phone boots up, a glimmer of hope in the darkness. The phone vibrates in his hand and a message pops up on the screen: **One Missed Call from 310-555-0829.**

Ryan holds his breath as he clicks on the message, the phone starts calling the voicemail, indicating that the caller had indeed left a voicemail.

_“Please enter your 6 digit pin,”_ the voicemail message intones.

Ryan curses and types in the password to the phone itself, which had been easy enough to crack. No luck. He tries a few other numbers and things he’d picked up about Liam as well as Bobby’s organization while he spent his time undercover. After striking out with about every variation of Maggie with six letters he was ready to throw the phone across the car.

He’s about ready to give up but he decides to try one last thing. Holding his breath Ryan slowly types in 3-0-4-2-1-7.

_“Welcome. You have one new voicemail from 310-555-0829. Hey, it’s me. Call me back when you get this message.”_ Ryan’s heart swells at the sound of Esposito’s familiar voice. They’d gotten his message.

Ryan exits the voicemail in time to receive a low battery message, so, he quickly punches in the number Beckett and Castle had been using to update him on the case. Despite his current situation luck must be on his side because sure enough the phone starts ringing.

 

_0:30:00 until Ryan runs out of air_

Esposito lifts his head off his desk, and runs his hand through his close cropped hair, groaning in frustration. He hates feeling so helpless. Besides him on his desk the cell phone starts vibrating violently.

Esposito stares at it for a moment, unable to truly believe what he’s seeing. Snapping out of his stupor he flips the phone open and reads the caller ID outloud to himself. They’d saved Liam’s number in the phone under Raley as a second number and that’s what the message before him reads: Call from Raley Mobile 2.

“It’s Ryan!” Esposito hollers. “He’s calling from Liam’s phone! Set the damn trace up! Now!”

From across the bullpen Castle and Beckett, who are heading back to Beckett’s desk, pause and knock on the door where Tori is waiting with the trace set-up and where Agent Walker and the two Narco guys have stationed themselves.

Esposito takes a deep breath and hits the talk button. “Hello?”

_“Javi?”_

“Kevin! Oh, god, it is you! We thought we’d lost you!”

Ryan chuckles. _“You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice again, bro. Now, how’s about getting me out of here?”_

“We’re running a trace on your location right now.”

_*BEEP*_ A beep sounds in Esposito’s ear and the feeling of dread returns to the pit of his stomach. “Ry, what was that?”

He hears Ryan curse quietly. _”Shit.”_

“Ryan! What was that? What’s wrong?”

_“The phone’s almost out of battery,”_ he finally replies quietly.

 

Esposito can’t help but gasp a bit. “How much longer do you think until the phone dies?”

Esposito can almost hear the shrug in Ryan’s reply. _“I dunno, 25 minutes maybe, probably less. I’m getting kinda sleepy though.”_

Ryan sounds so utterly defeated and Esposito’s heart breaks a little. He glances at the timer on his phone. They only had 25 minutes left until Ryan ran out of air as it was. Esposito covers the phone and hollers towards Tori’s office. “What the hell is taking so long with that damn trace? We’re running out of time!”

_“Javi,”_ his partner whispers into his ear through the phone. _“It’s okay. You’ll find me. I have faith in you, bro.”_

_*BEEP*_ The phone beeps again and for the longest minute of Esposito’s life the only sound in his ear is silence. “Kevin? Kevin, are you there? Please, can you hear me?”

_“Javi? Can you hear me?”_

“Kevin! Yes! I thought we lost you! Kevin?”

_“Javi, I can’t hear you? I don’t know if you’re still there but there’s something I have to tell you. Javi, I… “_ the line goes dead. The dial tone sounds like a death toll.

_*BEEP BEEP. BEEP BEEP.*_ On his desk the alarm on his phone goes off, signifying the end of their 5 hours. They’re out of time.

Denial sets in fast and Esposito races to Tori’s office, flinging open the door. “Did you get the trace? Tell me you got it!”

“Yeah, finishing the final calculations now,” replies Tori. Behind him, Castle and Beckett, who’d been updating Captain Gates put their hands on his shoulder, all three praying for their brother.

“Got it! The call from Liam’s cell phone originated at this address.”

“That can’t be right. Can it?”

The signal originated from the address they’d been given earlier for the warehouse. “That son of a bitch.”

“What?”

“He was there the entire time!” Esposito rages, storming out to get this things and get his partner back, Beckett and Castle right behind him.

“You can’t know that for sure, Espo. For all we know Bobby S doubled back after we left,” reasons Beckett in an attempt to soothe her hispanic partner.

Esposito yanks his coat off the back of his chair and pockets both his cell phones before he turns back and marches towards the elevator. “There was a bug in that briefcase. A tracker that syncs with an app on my phone.”

“What?” Castle exclaims, as he and Beckett pile into the elevator behind him.

“I wanted to be sure, just in case they decided to take Ryan with them until they were out of our reach. When we got back I inputted all the locations we found that are part of or are owned by someone in Bobby S or his crew’s life on alert. The only alert my phone ever gave me about them was that they’d crossed the border into Canada about an hour or so ago.”

The three of them pile into Esposito’s car and hold on for dear life as Esposito drives like a mad man at top speed, siren blaring, through the streets of New York City.

They pull up outside the warehouse and no more than five minutes behind them come the guys with dogs and metal detectors.

“Spread out,” orders Beckett.

“Search everywhere, nobody goes anywhere until we find Ryan,” adds Esposito.

Esposito takes out his phone as the teams get to work and checks the stopwatch he’d started when the alarm telling them Ryan was out of air went off. The clock reads 10 minutes and counting. Esposito starts scouring the grounds, looking for any signs of his partner.

“Detectives, I think I’ve got something!” the cry comes from the backside of the warehouse near a stretch of forest.

Esposito, Beckett and Castle lead everyone over to where Officer Hall is pointing with his flashlight. Tire tracks. Fresh tire tracks.

Esposito clicks on his flashlight and leads the way, following the tracks deeper into the woods. The tire tracks dead end in a large clearing, with a large group of bushes and undergrowth in the center, where the back end of a car can just barely be seen sticking out of the muddy earth and branches.

Esposito races to the car and rips away at the branches until he reveals the car’s muddy back window, they hadn’t bothered to bury the entire car properly. 

He shines the flashlight into the window and his heart jumps when the light illuminates the pale face of his partner. “He’s here!”

Esposito unholsters his gun and turns away, he slams the butt of the gun into the window and it shatters into a million tiny shards. Esposito turns back, putting his gun away and tossing the flashlight to the ground throws caution to the wind, climbing in.

Castle and Beckett run up to the car as he climbs in, they shine their lights down on him, Castle gasps slightly at the sight of their youngest teammate. “Go get him,” whispers Beckett.

Esposito slides awkwardly down to the front half of the car and positions himself next to his partner. Ryan is slumped over against one of the car doors, Liam’s cell phone lying next to his hand on the backseat. Ryan’s face is deathly pale, his eyes closed, the seat around him wet with blood, his left arm dangling uselessly. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Esposito closes his eyes, looks away and reaches out to feel for a pulse.

_‘He’s alive!’_ Esposito turns back to face his partner in disbelief, beneath his fingers the steady, yet shallow thump-thump of Ryan’s pulse.

“He’s alive!” He hollers up to the others. He hears Beckett’s quiet sob of relief and Castle’s loud hurrah. Esposito pulls Ryan into his arms and slowly starts to climb out of the car. When he reaches the top Beckett and Castle relieve him of Ryan’s weight and help pull him out of the car.

Two paramedics with a stretcher run up and hurry out of the woods towards the waiting ambulance, Esposito running alongside them the whole way.

The paramedics immediately jump into action, throwing medical jargon back and forth, they hook Ryan up to IV fluids and put an oxygen mask on his face.

As soon as they have him relatively stable they speed towards the hospital, sirens wailing.

Esposito runs alongside the gurney until the point he knows he won’t be able to pass. And, of course he’s directed to the same waiting room he’d sat and waited for news on his partner the last few times something had happened.

Castle, Beckett, Lanie and a few others who had been helping to locate the irish detective arrive about ten minutes later and join Esposito in his silent vigil in the waiting room.

“Family of Kevin Ryan?” 

Esposito rises to his feet along with the rest, taking a deep breath before answering. “Yes?” He recognizes the doctor from his several previous visits to see his partner.

“Your partner has been stabilized, you must have gotten to him just in time. We have him in an intensive care room just for the night. He had some internal bleeding and we had to give him a transfusion, which is part of why we have him in ICU for tonight. His left arm and nose are broken as well as his jaw and he’s also suffering a mild concussion. I can take one of you in to see him at a time, if you’d like.”

Javier exchanges a look with his friends before he follows the doctor to Kevin’s room. “This is his room. There’s a red button if you need assistance. The effects of the anesthesia should be wearing off soon.”

Javier thanks him and enters Kevin’s room quietly closing the door behind him. He remembers the last time he’d been in a room like this visiting his partner. Kevin’s words echo in his mind, the pain and rage, the thud of the pudding cup hitting the wall near his head. He shakes off the painful memories and makes his way to Kevin’s bedside.

Javier takes Kevin’s hand in his as he sits down, squeezing it gently. As if his touch awakens something in the irishman Kevin begins to stir, his hand squeezing Javier’s in return as he struggles back to consciousness. 

“Hey, Kev, you need to stop scaring me like this,” says Javier.

“Javi? What?” Kevin manages to say, the oxygen mask and the head brace for his broken jaw, making even those two words a struggle.

“You’re in the hospital again, Kev. We found you just in time. Luckily Bobby S was a bit off on his math,” explains Javier.

“Hmm, tha’s good. ‘M tired, avi. Jus stay and lemme sleep for a bit,” Kevin slurs tiredly.

“I’m not going anywhere ever again, Kev,” whispers Javier.

 

Time passes, hours turn into days, days into weeks, weeks into a month or so, all the while Javier never leaves Kevin’s side but for an hour or so.

2 months after Javier had pulled his partner from the half buried car intended to be his final resting place Kevin is released from the confines of the hospital, fully healed.

Kevin had decided to stay in the hospital until his broken arm and jaw had completely healed rather than go home.

Despite spending 85% of the last two months with each other Javier and Kevin had barely talked, and the proverbial elephant in the room hadn’t been mentioned yet.

They decide that they’d go back to Javier’s place until Kevin was completely finished with physical therapy, which wouldn’t be for another several weeks, until then he needed someone who could help him.

Kevin’s captain had dropped by to visit several times while he’d been in the hospital and a month after the events that put him in the hospital Kevin requested a transfer back to Homicide. It was also about that time that Javier finally got around to submitting his request to return to duty at the 12th as well. Captain Gates accepted both of their requests and said that there’s a place waiting for the both of them with Beckett and Castle.

Javier had talked Castle out of throwing a ‘Welcome Home, Kevin’ party until after he was done with physical therapy.

The drive to Javier’s apartment is a silent one and when they’re both inside they stand, facing each other awkwardly, the tension in the air palpable.

“We should talk,” says Javier, breaking the silence first. “I’ll just get us some beers.”

Kevin nods in agreement and makes his way over to the couch. Javier sits on the opposite end a few minutes later, placing a six pack of beers on the table in front of them.

Back to awkward silence, but this time Kevin breaks it. “So,” he starts, “you’re back early. What happened?”

Javier hesitates for a second, taking a deep breath, this is it. “Yeah, look there’s been something I’ve been wanting to tell you since that day in the park. The truth is, I never reenlisted. I was going to, I had the paperwork filled out and everything, but whenever I went to submit my application all I could think about was how I might never see you again. So, I went to the poetry slam and when I saw you and heard your poem I just couldn’t do it, I couldn’t leave you. But then you told me you were about to go back into Deep Cover and I didn’t know what to do, so I just said I’d reenlisted. I tried my hand at recruiting here in the city, but I couldn’t focus. I swore over and over that I caught a glimpse of you across the street even though I knew I hadn’t. I managed to find out that the crew you were undercover with hung out at Kelly’s Tavern a lot and so I went there almost everyday in disguise hoping to catch just a glimpse of you, but I never did. I heard about Jimmy the Baker getting murdered and told Beckett that I was back in the city. They kept me up to date on the case after they brought you in for questioning and alerted me that I had to make myself scarce that I could blow your cover. So, I hung out at the 12th a lot, I picked up the phone that day you called on your way to the docks. I recognized Liam’s voice from hanging out at Kelly’s and by that point we’d figured out that he was trying to frame Bobby. And you know the story from there,” he cuts off abruptly, refusing to meet Kevin’s eyes.

“Wow, Javi, I, I’m not sure what to say. All this time, you were at Kelly’s and I was at Kelly’s and we had no idea. What does this mean for us?”

Over the time Javier had been telling his story they’d drifted closer together. 

Javier closes the gap between them until he can feel Kevin’s soft breath on his lips. And then Kevin’s lips are on his, soft and warm and comforting.

And then the contact is gone. And he’s staring at his partner in the park. The words of a song echoing in his mind. _‘If I could turn back time, then I would rewrite those lines. Where's the “Good” in Goodbye? Where's the “Nice” in Nice Try? Where's the “Us” in Trust Gone? Where's the “Soul” in Soldier On?’_

“Javi, you okay? You zoned out there for a minute,” asks Kevin, worriedly.

“What? No, sorry I'm fine. Did you ask me something?”

“I asked if you reenlisted.”

“Uh, no, I was going to but… I, I just couldn't stop thinking about you and how I might never see you again if I reenlisted. I needed to see you one more time, so I could tell you something.”

Javier takes a deep breath, summons up the last shreds of his courage and takes Kevin's face in his hands, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. Kevin remains frozen in his grip and much too soon, Javier pulls away, stepping back. “The truth is I'm in love with you, Kevin Ryan. And if you don't feel the same you never have to see me again. I just couldn't leave without knowing.”

Kevin remains silent and still, his mouth hanging open a bit. Javier turns away, his heart breaking, trying to keep his tears at bay. A hand on his makes him freeze, and then he's spun around and pulled into Kevin's arms, their lips crashing together. 

 

_I'm hearing what you say, but I just can't make a sound_  
Tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down  
But wait,  
Tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around  
And say,   
It's too late to Apologize,  
It's too late  
I said it's too late to Apologize,  
It's too late  
Take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat but it's nothing new,  
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue  
And you say sorry like the angel, heaven let me think was you  
But I'm afraid  
It's too late to Apologize  
It's too late  
I said it's too late to Apologize  
It's too late 

_All the things that we lost_  
Breaking up comes at a cost  
Know I'll miss this mistake  
Even if I try to choose  
Either way I'm gonna lose  
Can't take the ache from heartbreak  
But as you walk away  
You don't hear me say  
Where’s the “Good” in Goodbye?  
Where's the “Nice” in Nice Try?  
Where's the “Soul” in Soldier On?  
Now I'm the “Lone” in Lonely  
Cause I don't own you only  
I can take this mistake  
But I can't take the ache from heartbreak  
(Take the ache, take the ache)  
No, I can't take the ache from heartbreak  
If I could turn back time, then I would rewrite those lines. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is it! The end of this journey together (just in time for my birthday)I love all of you and hope this will not be the last I see of you.


End file.
